It's in the Past

And will stay in the past. I received word yesterday while helping clean up after the birth, that my ex-husband and his last mistress turned live-in girlfriend got married. It isn't even so much that the *idea* of him getting married again bothers me. It's that my *own* life has not followed the path I thought it would take, and here I am almost 16 months after I threw him out, and lonely. My relationship with my guy has been a roller coaster ride of amazing ups and catastrophic downs, and we don't seem to be any more stable now than we did a year ago. But here is Tom, who did it all the *wrong* way, cheated on his wife, left his marriage, and somehow he gets to be happy, while my life is still in difficult shambles.

So, when I found out the news, no I wasn't crying because of the loss of Tom. I was crying because of the difficulty of my life now. Crying because I haven't seen my guy in over three weeks. Crying because he didn't call me for two nights now. Crying because this is not what I envisioned my life would be like right now, and I do not in particularly like this aspect of it right now. My tears had nothing to do with Tom, or Ragan, or the betrayal of my marriage, they were just all about me. And Andy. And the life which I can't seem to be able to grasp, it keeps just trying to slip through my fingers.
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