I believe in dreams. I believe dreams are our mind's way of working through problems in our every day life. Working through our stresses. Finding solutions. Living vicariously through our own dreams. Letting the part of us that we suppress every day come out. Many times dreams are hard to understand. They are symbolic and archaic. They have hidden meanings that are hard to interpret. But sometimes those dreams are crystal clear.
Last night I had a powerful dream. A dream that
I was a decade or more older, and working as a missionary in Africa. I was working with another midwife friend, Kelly. We had started traveling around Africa teaching the women how to be safe practitioners in the art of midwifery. Teaching the girls and women what herbs they can take, and how to harvest and keep them, in order to avoid pregnancy, treat pre-eclampsia, increase milk supply, ward off infection, and other useful things. Teaching them how to breastfeed and the importance of it. And, of course, delivering babies. Lots of them. During our missions in Africa we became experts at breeches, twins, and other variations from normal. It was an amazing and blissful dream. It is the whole of my goal in life.I keep telling myself that I need to keep my eyes on the prize, as my friend Thomas says to me all the time. My life, and the successes (or failures) therein are my responsibility. I have to own it. And I want to love it. I have decided to look at it like my life has been filled with different challenges simply to prepare me for the awesome task ahead of me. Being a midwife is an awesome responsibility, and being a teacher to an entire nation of midwives is almost as big. I hope that I am up to it.
I don't remember if I blogged about this or not, but I completed my application to FSTM. I am
just waiting now for my interview date to come through the wire. They have assured me that I *will* have an interview, so my application made it through the first step. I am not nervous or anxious about it, mostly I am just sad at the thought of leaving my wonderful, peaceful world here in south central Tennessee. But I have to keep my eyes on the prize. And the prize (currently) is my CPM and Florida License, which will allow me to become licensed anywhere in the USA that licenses midwives.I have been worried a lot lately about my boys. My daughter has me to use as a role model for how to be a strong woman (at least, in my opinion I am a good role model). But my boys don't have a strong male role model in their life. I worry that they will grow up to be just like their father, and my father, and my uncle. It's not how I want them to be. I have somewhat become hyper focused on making sure that I do everything I can to show them how to be loving, compassionate, patient, slow tempered individuals who respect women. I wish that I had a male role model to offer them, but I do know that if we are closer to Jimmy, that he will be an amazing role model for my kids. At least until (*if*) I find the right man for my life.
I am opening a new blog. Those of you who are sneaky may have already noticed that there is a new blog on my list. It is not ready to be read yet, as I am still working on "building" it. However it will be called "Silence Us Not!" and will be a blog that is completely focused on activism of all kinds, everything that I support and try to be active in, with urgings for anybody to join me. I think it will be a neat blog, and as my fourth one to be opened..I think I can officially be called a blog addict!
