Having a Hard Time

I've been having a hard time with a few things the last few weeks. I'm worried about the three women left at the clinic whom I am/was bonded to and my thoughts are on them quite often I have found. I am hoping that they have the amazing, peaceful, beautiful births that they are so hoping for. I have been having a hard time "letting go" of my ties to the clinic, to the women who are there still, and to the love, time and energy that I put into helping build the clinic. There is a fundamental sense of betrayal that I have been dealing with.

I've found myself working through things in my life again, trying to determine how it is I always end up back in these destructive, abusive relationships. I have a very strong desire NOT to end up in a relationship like that again (both personally and professionally) and I am finding myself almost wanting to pull away from everyone and everything to avoid ending up once again in a damaging situation. I have, over the course of the last 2-3 months, activated every self-preservation and self-help mechanism that I know. I'm tired. I just want a break from it.

The children and I leave for Florida this Thursday. I have been busy cleaning and packing and trying to get everything prepared for me to be out of this house all summer. I am going to try to have a good summer. Relaxing. Taking care of myself. and having fun. Fun. I vaguely remember how to have fun. I think.

The. Worst. Flu. EVER!!!!!

Oh. My. God!! Saturday night I started getting chills, and a fever, then sweating and chills. By Sunday morning I was running a 104 fever I hurt all over, my head felt like it was going to explode and like it weighed a ton, and I was nauseous. By half way through the day I was puking as well. I only got off the couch to pee or puke (or both, tried to make it both to be economical). The rest of the time I slept. and slept. and slept. Ditto for Monday. By Tuesday I was feeling a little better (no fever), and I was home alone (my uncle left for Florida, and my mother never returned from Florida after going in March). My "new" friend Cindy drove me and Bobby up to his school so I could drop him off, and then dragged me off to her house so she could wait on me all day. She did a splendid job of it too! She took me to pick Bobby up from school that afternoon and took us back home, and by then I was running a fever again. Tuesday night I was miserable again, but never had a fever as high again (stayed around 101-102).

Today I woke up feeling "all right". Not Splendid by any means! but definitely better. No fever, no body aches, no vomiting or anything. Now I am thinking most of my symptoms (headache, swimming feeling when I get up, nausea, weak) are related to not eating in four days. Yup, that's right. FOUR DAYS of a clear liquid diet. Those of you who know me in person know I cannot afford to go four days without food!! yuck!! Now to get my strength back up, clean this disgusting mess from being sick (the house seemed to fall apart while I was sick) deal with a double whammy birthday party this weekend, and drive down to Florida next week! YAY! (or oh man I have to do all of THAT? where will I find the energy?!?!?!?!)

Action Alert!!! ILLINOIS PUSHERS!!

**ALERT** Illinois Pushers: Your help is needed TODAY! Vote could happen tonight, call even after hours, please! (click on the discussion tab for full details)

EVERYONE PLEASE CALL YOUR LEGISLATOR! Ask them to “vote YES for SB3712 which has been amended with the Home Birth Safety Act (HB226) language.”
www.igla.gov

New Friends, New Perspectives

It's always good to make new friends. I would say that over the course of the last two weeks, I have made more new friends than I ever could have dreamed. What I am learning is that I have had these friends without realizing it for the last nine months. They have been thinking about me, worrying about me, and trying to figure out when to make their presence known to me for quite a while now. Sometimes it is just nice to know that people - even practically complete strangers - care enough to think about you. Even though we have a common bond, it still is meaningful to me.

So now I have these new friends, whom I didn't even know that I have. And I have, as a result, begun to "put my toe in the water" in the Alabama birth community a bit more now than I have since I moved here. I'm deciding that I really rather like it here, despite it all, and that even if I leave for Florida to go to school, I will probably be back some day. After all, Alabama has been in my heart for a *long* time.

It is also good to know that I am not crazy. If someone thinks the whole world is crazy..chances are more likely that it is that single person and not the whole world. I have never really been in a situation where I was defamed and slandered on a professional level and I do have to say, it isn't fun! I will say, though, that I am not surprised that I have been. If there is one thing I know after being submerged in midwifery for so long, it is that some midwives can be really nasty, vindictive, and awful to other midwives. I have a theory that some women, no matter the organization, can be like this to each other.

Even though the person who is slandering me professionally believes (and doesn't hesitate to tell people!) that I will in return "lash out" against and slander her both privately and publicly, I absolutely will not. I am a better person than that, and have not a single reason to do so. Her true colors come out to people all on their own. Many people before me saw them, and many people after me will too. And some people who were there while I was there have already seen them. She doesn't need my help exposing them.

I will though, encourage each and every one of you when looking for a midwife to consider finding a practitioner who has written protocols; who has informed consent documents; who has a *proven* track record of happy clients within the local birthing community; who has a reasonable transfer rate; who can keep assistants, apprentices, students, and employees longer than 6-9 months; who runs a clean, healthy, successful business; Who uses sterile technique and has infection control protocols; who has another midwife there to back her up. Find out how many of her clients are *repeat* clients. If the number is low, there is probably good reason.

And, to my fellow students out there, learn from my mistakes. Put your "Toe in the water" as one of my new friends says, before jumping all in with a potential preceptor. Guard yourself, and make sure it is a situation you are sure you want to be in before you get into it. If you are afraid to ask questions or speak up, it is probably not a healthy preceptor/apprentice relationship. If you speak up anyway and get stomped all over it is *definitely* not a healthy preceptor/apprentice relationship. Make sure that your preceptor is competent enough to teach you before you rely on her. I know this might seem like a hard thing to figure out, but you will know. If your gut starts telling you something just isn't fitting right in the picture, listen to it. CONTACT HER FORMER APPRENTICES to find out what they thought, and how their relationship with her went. Don't just take her side of the story. MOST importantly, IMO, if you are moving into an area where you are *not* familiar with the local birthing community, submerge yourself in the local birth and natural parenting community FIRST and see what the feelings are as a whole of the particular midwife. If more people dislike vs. like her, you might not want to work with her. Remember, every midwife is going to have someone who doesn't like her, I am speaking more along the lines of *most* people not liking their experiences with her.

so anyway, there are my words of wisdom for the day. I hope someone learns from them.

Getting Ready

So the kids and I leave in only 19 days for Florida. I am spending the remainder of these days getting ready for the trip and packing in such a way that I can bring down the maximum amount of stuff possible during this trip. I hope to bring their bikes down now that all three are riding on two wheels, so that they can bike ride at their grandpa's house (he always ends up watching them for my ex-husband, often).

I have been anxiously awaiting my letter from FSTM. Though they did tell us that it could take as long as mid June to get a letter from them, I keep praying for more on the earlier than later side of things. I am on pins and needles and sort of in limbo until this decision is known to me, and I hate it when my life is left hanging like this, dependent on other people's decisions. I have instituted a plan B in case I am not accepted, but lets hope I don't have to go there.

Lisa from MTB asked me to come to South Carolina for the next skills weekend that she will be hostessing so that I can teach students there how to use moodle, and so that I can help Lisa learn moodle in preparation for turning it all over to her before I start FSTM. I am hoping to make it to the skills weekend, though I am currently seeking anyone who might want to car pool there with me to help me save on gas money. I am strapped for cash right now until my prerequisites for FSTM have been met.

In the mean time, I have just been cleaning and packing, and making new friends (what's that about? I am about to leave the area but yet keep making new friends as I go along!! I am beginning to see the sisterhood of midwives in Huntsville that I was carefully guarded from while I've been here...and I am deciding they are pretty amazing women.)

I am also faced with a difficult decision regarding my oldest son for next year if we move back to Florida. I realize he is way ahead of his classmates in Tennessee and that Florida public schools are even more behind than Tennessee public schools are. Soooooo....now I am faced with pushing to have him accelerated into 5th grade. I know that I could win my case about it, but I wonder if it is the right decision to make. Here in TN they wanted to accelerate him this year but I would not let them...however I am second guessing that decision now. I am going to buy him a Big Fourth Grade Book for the summer time and see how he does. If he flies through it, I will ask that they accelerate him, since he cannot attend Good Shepherd Catholic School until he's been in a Florida public school for a year.

Important Things to Consider When Choosing a Care Provider

so, you are pregnant! Congratulations! You either have already chosen, or are currently looking for a care provider for your pregnancy. Even if you have already chosen one, you should look through this list and ask your care provider the appropriate questions to be sure that you will receive high quality care with them.

PROTOCOLS

A competent care provider will have written protocols for everything from infection control to emergency transport protocols. These protocols should be in writing. Do not just take your provider's word for it, and don't just take verbal protocols. See them in writing. This is important.

INFORMED CONSENT

As can be found in the Midwives Model of Care brochure "Full information about any recommended tests, procedures or treatments so you can make informed choices about your care." Informed consent is an integral part of competent midwifery care. If your care provider is providing you with thorough, written or printed information on everything pregnancy, birth and post partum related, from the vitamin K shot, antibiotics, group B strep, to circumcision, breastfeeding, and everything in between and then asking you to sign consent (or decline) paperwork, than she is following the midwives model of care. If she has no paperwork, and only her advice by mouth, and nothing for you to sign, you might want to reconsider using her as a provider.

INFECTION CONTROL PROTOCOLS

INFECTION CONTROL INFECTION CONTROL INFECTION CONTROL!! This is so important I cannot stress it enough!! If your midwife tells you "birth isn't sterile" you might want to reconsider using her!! If she does not sterilize her instruments then your risk of developing potentially life threatening post partum infections is greatly increased!! If she does not use germicide and antiseptic cleaners on everything touched in the birth room after every birth, then you are potentially being exposed to any of the germs that the woman before you left there. There can still be infection where there isn't visible blood! Not sure if she is sterilizing her instruments? There are only a few known ways to sterilize. you can boil them (and use them *right* away..it doesn't count if you boil them days before) you can oven sterilize them (in which case they would be in oven safe packets that are usually wrapped in paper, maybe flannel packs, but certainly not something like a plastic pencil case or anything else that would melt in the oven. The instruments should go in wrapped, and come out wrapped, and not be opened until the moment they will be used) and there is the pressure cooker/autoclave method, which again they should go in wrapped and come out wrapped and not be opened until the moment they are used. IF the provider is not following infection control protocols including sterilizing her instruments, please consider finding a safer place and or provider to use for your birth.

GET INVOLVED

Get involved in your local birthing community before you have your baby. Hear all of the birth stories and recommendations of the local community around you. Take into account that *every* midwife is going to have at least a few people who were unhappy in their birth...no one is perfect! However, if the majority of the stories are telling you to steer clear, then by all means, steer clear! Find out what percentage of clients will (or have) been repeat clients. Try to talk with many of the provider's former clients to get a well rounded, balanced view of it.

HIRE A DOULA

If the provider is telling you not to hire a doula, or telling you you don't need one, I would highly question this. It may just be that the provider does not want to deal with having another witness, someone who is not emotionally vested in the situation as much as the family is, who may stand up to her if she tries using interventions that may not be necessary. Hire a doula, even if she tells you not to, in fact hire a doula ESPECIALLY if she tells you not to!!

NUMBERS

Find out her numbers. How many end in transport? Why are they transported? How many end up in C-Section? How many are induced (artificially or with herbal remedies, castor oil, etc?)? If she induces 2 out of 3 clients with herbal remedies, you might consider that she may be impatient and might "rush" your labor along. If she has a very large transport rate for first time moms, and you are a first time mom, you might want to consider finding another care provider. If she has a very high transport rate for "failure to progress" (as in, if 33% of her clients are transported for failure to progress....) then assume it really means failure to wait, and you might want to find a new provider. You know how they say the proof is in the pudding? Well I am saying the truth is in the numbers!!

I hope this has helped you while trying to choose a care provider. If you have any suggestions on other things to consider when choosing a care provider, please feel free to list them as comments here!!