Holy Week

This Holy week is so different from last year. I am surrounded by love and happiness, I am feeling very productive and successful, and I feel like I'm walking the path I was meant to be on all along, with the man I was meant to be with all along.

Let us not forget, though, during this Easter season, surrounded by colored Easter eggs and trips to visit the Easter bunny at the mall, egg hunts, candy baskets, that the real celebration is in the sacrifice Jesus made for all of us. He not only died in crucifixion (one of the most horrible ways yet to be killed by a human) but was scourged first, tortured, mocked, spat on, and forced to carry his cross all the way to golgotha. Jesus gave up his life for us. In the ultimate sign of love, he died to save all of us.

I have made it a tradition to watch "Passion of the Christ" by Mel Gibson every year at Easter time. Jereme is going to be joining me in this tradition as of this year :) We are scheduled to watch it this Thursday night together. I'm sure I will cry (I always do) but how can you not?

Palm Sunday was last Sunday. We went to Mass with Jereme's mom at Annunciation, and then she took all of us out for pizza afterwards. I (of course!) cried through Palm Sunday Mass. This is always such an amazing, and thankful, time of year for me.

This is the last week of classes. My finals are the Tuesday and Wednesday after Easter and then I am on break, I can't wait!!

Gift

"Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come again."

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die...." John 11:25,26

Father Joy told us a story last Sunday that went something like this:

A Bishop was telling a story at a Mass one Sunday that went something like this:

a young man came into a Church and told the priest that he did not care if Jesus died for him, he didn't ask Him to, and he didn't want the gift.

The priest then told the man to go up to the front of the Church, to the huge crucifix hanging from the ceiling, and to yell at the top of his voice "I don't care that You died for me! I didn't ask ou to! I don't want Your gift!"

So the young man did so. He walked up to the front of the Church, to the Crucified Christ, and yelled at the top of his lungs "I don't care that You died for me! I didn't ask You to! I don't want Your gift!"

"Good" the priest said, now do it again!

And so the young man yelled again, this time with a little less might "I don't care that You died for me! I didnt' ask You to! I don't want Your gift!" as his voice was breaking and tears were streaming down his face

"Good" the priest said, now just once more...

And the young man stood there, and began crying in heavy heaves. He replied to the priest "I cannot do it again." and he looked up to the figure of Christ on the Cross.

"And who was this young man and what became of him?" asked the Bishop. "The young man is me." The Bishop replied to the Church full of people.

The moral of the story? Jesus died for all of us, that we all might have the chance to live in Heaven. It was a gift he gave selflessly. The ultimate sacrifice. He gave it for you, and me, and she and he whether or not we wanted it, or asked for it. Please accept his gift. The most precious gift you will ever be offered. And live forever in Him.

Happy Easter everyone.

Back Home

So I arrived back home late last night after a long drive through Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, Alabama, and back into Tennessee. I had been putting off coming home, because there was so much mess waiting for me here that I just did not feel emotionally equipped to deal with. Now I am home, and I still haven't dealt with the mess. The picture to the left is an example of how I feel right now. Beaten up by life. Exhausted. Stressed. Old. And ready to just give up on it all. That isn't like me, and I can't stay this way long. I will drive myself crazy this way.

I am sitting here after Palm/Passion Sunday Mass, at McDonald's with my kids. This is our normal Sunday routine, and I am glad to be getting back into routine, as that might help me start feeling human again. Palm Sunday Mass was, of course, beautiful. And I cried like a baby, as always. I can't even say a full rosary when it is on a day that mentions the flogging of Jesus. I end up crying my eyes out through the whole thing. I have always had a very immediate, uncontrollable, extremely emotional reaction to the happenings during the last week of Jesus' life. I don't know if there are many other Christians who have the same emotional response as I do, but it is quite severe in my opinion.

I openly admit that I am an emotional person. I cry at every birth (either during, or right after). I cry at weddings. I cry at Church. I cry watching movies. I cry when I'm angry (this crying annoys me the most out of any other response that I get).

I made the mistake, last year at a very emotional time in my life, of watching the movie "Passion of the Christ" (for the first time) after having one of the worst days in my life. Needless to say I spent hours glued to my television, unable to turn away from the horror that laid before me, shaking crying and vomiting, all while trying to keep my eyes dry enough to read the subtitles (as I do not speak aramaic!) I see myself watching "Passion of the Christ" every year come Easter time, but I cannot see myself having my children watch it until they are much older. I will probably fall back on the oldie but goodie "Jesus of Nazareth" for them this time of year. I used to watch this movie every year when I was a kid, despite the fact that I was not raised in a religious household, I was both fascinated with the story behind Jesus Christ, horrified by what the people did to him, and deeply moved to be a better person all year so as to deserve the amazing gift that he gave me. I guess you can say that even though I did not "find" God until much later, in high school while dating Andy, I was a spiritual person way before then.

Easter week is always such a busy week for us. Between Church and family and school stuff, I will barely have time to sleep (and I definitely shouldn't have time to think about him...)!! Oh, and now that I am back home I am back on call, and have one woman due any time!

So what are my goals as I work through the next few months? To find happy Misty again. I had her once, for a brief moment, and now I want her back! I lived so many years in an unhappy marriage with an indifferent Misty, and now that I have had a taste of happiness again, I won't settle for anything less! (and for those of you who are wondering..no, that is not a picture of me on the beach (though I would have LOOKED that happy had I made it to the beach this last trip to Florida!!)

I know I have many friends who are thinking about me, and praying for me, and I want you all to know that I really do appreciate it. My life is looking up, and everything will be ok. Just tough right now, but it will get easier. I am certain I will be updating soon with more changes to my life.

Until then!