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So I arrived back home late last night after a long drive through Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, Alabama, and back into Tennessee. I had been putting off coming home, because there was so much mess waiting for me here that I just did not feel emotionally equipped to deal with. Now I am home, and I still haven't dealt with the mess. The picture to the left is an example of how I feel right now. Beaten up by life. Exhausted. Stressed. Old. And ready to just give up on it all. That isn't like me, and I can't stay this way long. I will drive myself crazy this way.

I am sitting here after Palm/Passion Sunday Mass, at McDonald's with my kids. This is our normal Sunday routine, and I am glad to be getting back into routine, as that might help me start feeling human again. Palm Sunday Mass was, of course, beautiful. And I cried like a baby, as always. I can't even say a full rosary when it is on a day that mentions the flogging of Jesus. I end up crying my eyes out through the whole thing. I have always had a very immediate, uncontrollable, extremely emotional reaction to the happenings during the last week of Jesus' life. I don't know if there are many other Christians who have the same emotional response as I do, but it is quite severe in my opinion.

I openly admit that I am an emotional person. I cry at every birth (either during, or right after). I cry at weddings. I cry at Church. I cry watching movies. I cry when I'm angry (this crying annoys me the most out of any other response that I get).

I made the mistake, last year at a very emotional time in my life, of watching the movie "Passion of the Christ" (for the first time) after having one of the worst days in my life. Needless to say I spent hours glued to my television, unable to turn away from the horror that laid before me, shaking crying and vomiting, all while trying to keep my eyes dry enough to read the subtitles (as I do not speak aramaic!) I see myself watching "Passion of the Christ" every year come Easter time, but I cannot see myself having my children watch it until they are much older. I will probably fall back on the oldie but goodie "Jesus of Nazareth" for them this time of year. I used to watch this movie every year when I was a kid, despite the fact that I was not raised in a religious household, I was both fascinated with the story behind Jesus Christ, horrified by what the people did to him, and deeply moved to be a better person all year so as to deserve the amazing gift that he gave me. I guess you can say that even though I did not "find" God until much later, in high school while dating Andy, I was a spiritual person way before then.

Easter week is always such a busy week for us. Between Church and family and school stuff, I will barely have time to sleep (and I definitely shouldn't have time to think about him...)!! Oh, and now that I am back home I am back on call, and have one woman due any time!

So what are my goals as I work through the next few months? To find happy Misty again. I had her once, for a brief moment, and now I want her back! I lived so many years in an unhappy marriage with an indifferent Misty, and now that I have had a taste of happiness again, I won't settle for anything less! (and for those of you who are wondering..no, that is not a picture of me on the beach (though I would have LOOKED that happy had I made it to the beach this last trip to Florida!!)

I know I have many friends who are thinking about me, and praying for me, and I want you all to know that I really do appreciate it. My life is looking up, and everything will be ok. Just tough right now, but it will get easier. I am certain I will be updating soon with more changes to my life.

Until then!