Answers

Are rolling in slowly for me. I got one of them today. I have been assuming that I was "on call" since getting back to Tennessee and apparently that was faulty thinking. I talked to Linda this morning and found out that one of our clients delivered yesterday, and Linda did not call me. Anyone who is familiar with Linda and apprentices knows that this, well, behavior, marks the beginning of the end of the apprentice relationship. I imagine that I am out of the birth room most likely for good, at least with Linda. I am glad I have a plan B for finishing my midwifery education, or I would be frantic right now.
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Back Home

So I arrived back home late last night after a long drive through Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, Alabama, and back into Tennessee. I had been putting off coming home, because there was so much mess waiting for me here that I just did not feel emotionally equipped to deal with. Now I am home, and I still haven't dealt with the mess. The picture to the left is an example of how I feel right now. Beaten up by life. Exhausted. Stressed. Old. And ready to just give up on it all. That isn't like me, and I can't stay this way long. I will drive myself crazy this way.

I am sitting here after Palm/Passion Sunday Mass, at McDonald's with my kids. This is our normal Sunday routine, and I am glad to be getting back into routine, as that might help me start feeling human again. Palm Sunday Mass was, of course, beautiful. And I cried like a baby, as always. I can't even say a full rosary when it is on a day that mentions the flogging of Jesus. I end up crying my eyes out through the whole thing. I have always had a very immediate, uncontrollable, extremely emotional reaction to the happenings during the last week of Jesus' life. I don't know if there are many other Christians who have the same emotional response as I do, but it is quite severe in my opinion.

I openly admit that I am an emotional person. I cry at every birth (either during, or right after). I cry at weddings. I cry at Church. I cry watching movies. I cry when I'm angry (this crying annoys me the most out of any other response that I get).

I made the mistake, last year at a very emotional time in my life, of watching the movie "Passion of the Christ" (for the first time) after having one of the worst days in my life. Needless to say I spent hours glued to my television, unable to turn away from the horror that laid before me, shaking crying and vomiting, all while trying to keep my eyes dry enough to read the subtitles (as I do not speak aramaic!) I see myself watching "Passion of the Christ" every year come Easter time, but I cannot see myself having my children watch it until they are much older. I will probably fall back on the oldie but goodie "Jesus of Nazareth" for them this time of year. I used to watch this movie every year when I was a kid, despite the fact that I was not raised in a religious household, I was both fascinated with the story behind Jesus Christ, horrified by what the people did to him, and deeply moved to be a better person all year so as to deserve the amazing gift that he gave me. I guess you can say that even though I did not "find" God until much later, in high school while dating Andy, I was a spiritual person way before then.

Easter week is always such a busy week for us. Between Church and family and school stuff, I will barely have time to sleep (and I definitely shouldn't have time to think about him...)!! Oh, and now that I am back home I am back on call, and have one woman due any time!

So what are my goals as I work through the next few months? To find happy Misty again. I had her once, for a brief moment, and now I want her back! I lived so many years in an unhappy marriage with an indifferent Misty, and now that I have had a taste of happiness again, I won't settle for anything less! (and for those of you who are wondering..no, that is not a picture of me on the beach (though I would have LOOKED that happy had I made it to the beach this last trip to Florida!!)

I know I have many friends who are thinking about me, and praying for me, and I want you all to know that I really do appreciate it. My life is looking up, and everything will be ok. Just tough right now, but it will get easier. I am certain I will be updating soon with more changes to my life.

Until then!

Alabamians Love Their Midwives!!

Now go out and *support* your midwives!! Help Alabama join the rest of the nation in making midwifery legal and licensing Certified Professional Midwives within the state of Alabama! Alabama currently has TWENTY-SIX counties with NO ACCESS to maternity care! Legalizing midwifery in Alabama will open these counties up to safe out-of-hospital care.

Fresh from the Alabama Birth Coalition website http://us1.campaign-archive.com/?u=1488f5fd6ecf1d503406a9d04&id=a1461453e5 :

"We have made monumental strides with our legislative effort this session, and now we need your help! Senate Bill 414, the bill to license Certified Professional Midwives in Alabama, will pass out of committee and be brought to the Senate floor for a vote within the coming week or two. Before the vote, our Senators need to hear the message loud and clear:  Alabama families support licensed midwives"

Call your legislatures and make yourself heard! Tell your representatives to vote YES for SB414 and tell them Alabama needs to legalize CPM's!!


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Rediscover

I find myself on a path of rediscovery once again. When my life appears to crumble, my defense mechanism is usually to distance myself from the source of the pain, or the cause of the disaster, and then re-evaluate my life and decide where to go from here. I have never been one to sit back in misery and complain to everyone else that my life is so hard, or that my life stinks, and not do anything to change it. I am a proactive person. I am a Survivor and thus by nature I am driven to improve my life, to fight to make it the beautiful, wonderful life that I know I deserve.

I have been through so much in my life, both recently and my whole life. I don't want people to look at all I have endured and feel sorry for me. Instead I want them to look at all I've accomplished and be happy for me (or in awe of me as some seem to be).

So just remember this as you are given a glimpse into the life of Misty. If anything, let my persistence encourage you to strive for your hopes and dreams too, despite any potholes you hit along the way.

Besides, we have to cherish these potholes. They give us flat tires. Sometimes they damage our alignment or our tie rods. And then we have to slow down and wait for the repairs. And in the meantime we get to slow down or stop and enjoy the view, and maybe take the time to look around and wonder how we got there, and re-evaluate if we even *want* to be there. It gives us a chance to rediscover ourselves. The potholes really are a pain, but a gift all at once.

Writing....

So, I could spend my day today blogging about how I am absolutely astonished (not in a good way!) that the health care reform passed. I could go on and on about the effects of the health care reform on midwifery, on woman's rights, on alternative medicine. I could blog about the corruption that led to this embarrassing excuse for a law. Maybe another day. But not today.

Today I am thinking about my book. I have been in the planning/plotting out stages of writing my book for years now. I first decided that I would write a book about my life back in 2001 when fellow poet friend Tim suggested that I should. I have mentioned before that I consider myself a writer, and have heard many times that I have a talent (when I bother to stretch my legs in my writing that is) for writing. I plan on my book being mostly an autobiography possibly in journal form but possibly in story form, I haven't actually decided on this yet. It's not so much that my life has been extraordinary (yet!) but more that it's been a struggle, but ordinary. Something that others can relate to easily.

I was reminded while talking to Thomas the other night that I should be working on my book. He had made a comment that he knew I had been drinking because my typing had errors in it and, as he said, it never does! Now that MTB moodle is done, I will have some more time that I can focus on my book. I had the excuse, when Andy was encouraging me to get to work on my book, that I don't know how the story ends yet. And that is still true, so I can either take *forever* to write it, or I can write it as a partially fictional book. We'll see. I haven't decided on that either.

And speaking of writing...I have just about filled up another of my journals during this trip to Florida. It's a good thing that I brought an extra one with me. I might make a new rule that I always have to have a spare blank journal in the van, in case I am gone and fill up the one that I brought. It saves me from needing to stop and buy one when a thought comes to me, as I prefer to write as soon as I am thinking about it. Right now I believe I have three extra blank journals at home in Tennessee, but that is actually kind of cutting it close for me, it might be time to hunt for more journals.

I have been known to use anything from a fancy journal purchased at the book store, to a decorative composition notebook, to just a plain lined notebook from the back to school section of the store. I actually seem to prefer the composition notebooks, but many times my fancy journals represent something specific that happened in my life around the time that I bought it.

My journals are my life, literally, and I don't mind spending a few extra dollars for one if I am so led at different times in my life.

Anyway I am going to close this for now, and will be posting agian in the next few days I am sure!!

Celebration!

Tonight I am celebrating the completion of MTB Moodle!! I finished unit 30 tonight, and am so excited to have the whole program LIVE now! This is not the end of work on MOODLE for me, as I have to upload the final exam yet, as well as add a few minor things and tweak it some..but it is the end of all the major construction for the project. This project took me longer than I had anticipated, and life got in the way at various points throughout the construction, but I had an awesome crew of students helping me, especially Taneil who did the bulk of the uploading of tests, as well as grammar editing of many of the tests for me. One of the greatest things about the MTB program is the incredible sense of community that we have with each other, and how willing we are to help each other out to improve our experiences in the program. We are a huge group of women who are close knit despite the number of students there. Even if you are going to another midwifery program elsewhere, I highly recommend using MTB as a supplemental program, as there is much to be learned about the science of midwifery but also about what the midwifery community *should* be like, helping each other. I have yet to experience a single "catty" moment on the MTB group, and really, seriously have only had Good Samaritan type experiences there. We help each other as much as we can, lift each other up when one of us is down, and stick together no matter what. Being a part of the MTB community has been life changing for me, and I am sure it has been life changing for others as well. Though I have passed my half way mark in the MTB program, I do plan on finishing it even if I decide to come back down to Florida.

But for the rest of my night, I will have some wine, and watch a movie, and relax and enjoy the fact that I have finished this major project!

Genital Integrity for ALL!!

This is one of the topics with which I am very passionate about. I learned the truth about circumcision too late for my oldest son, and regret allowing it to happen to him every day of my life. I even started an online support group for mothers who found out the truth too late for at least one of their sons, called "Regretful Moms". It was a devastating day for me, the day that I faced the truth and realized what horror I had allowed to happen to my son just days after he was born.

After learning the truth, I became a loud voice against RIC (Routine Infant Circumcision). I wanted to keep other mothers from making the same mistake I did, and living to regret it. Every year one of the greatest voices against circumcision, David of sic society, leads the way to the DC protest. I haven't been able to make it to the protests yet, though I have tried a few times. this year, the protest is coming up next weekend. Make plans to go if you can!

Please Join us!

17th Annual Demonstration/March Against Infant Circumcision
March 26th - April 1st, 2010
U.S. Capitol and White House
Washington D.C.

2010 SICSOCIETY Schedule of Events

So, you might say you have all these good reasons to circumcise your son. What you really mean is that you just haven't educated yourself on the truth of circumcision. I could go through the myths and truths of infant circumcision, but there are so many other sites that have done so, and done so well too! I encourage *anyone* who is having a boy to research research research before you blindly follow the herd!! Know that right now, in the United States, only 50% of all boys are circumcised. Our children's generation will see both intact and cut penises and those boys who do not have a foreskin will have some hard questions for their parents one day! Here are some great sites on what circumcision is and does.

An educational video on the prepuce I think everyone should watch this in order to truly understand what the prepuce is. warning, graphic.

*NO ONE* should agree to have their son circumcised without watching a video of a circumcision! This video is what changed my husband's mind, and is a powerful tool if you and your husband disagree on the issue of circumcision! This video is graphic, and I cannot watch it without crying.

some of my favorite sites:

Mothers Against Circumcision

Circumcision Information and Resource Pages

NOCIRC

Catholics Against Circumcision

Jews Against Circumcision

NOHARMM

Christianity and Circumcision:

Circumcision for Christians?

The Bible and Circumcision

Christians and Circumcision

Acts15

I will probably edit this post later, I'm running late, so look for more in a bit!

Legalize Midwives Alabama!

Alabama will forever have a special place in my heart. It was assigned this place due to situations that do not have anything to do with midwifery. However, now midwifery also has a special place in my heart, and it breaks my heart that Alabama and midwifery do not go hand in hand right now.

This video is so well made, and was produced by students at UAB. I encourage everyone to watch it, and to spread it around and pass it on to everyone that they know.




Unfortunately there just *aren't* enough midwives in the state of Alabama to cause enough of an uproar to change the laws in Alabama. We need your help. We need the help of your friends, and your neighbors. We need the help of your brothers and sisters, your parents and grandparents. We need as many voices as we can muster in order to successfully PUSH the change that we need.

And we've been shown that our voices can make a difference. They *have* made a difference. Look at Mississippi and HB 695 it was the voices of the families in Mississippi that stopped the wretched bill from passing! Look at Wyoming who recently passed their midwifery licensing legislation and became the 27th state to legalize midwifery. If they can do it, so can Alabama!

Midwives are needed in Alabama!! This story shows how risky having to drive to Tennessee or Florida in order to see a midwife can be for families! If you live in Alabama join the birth advocates and let your voice be heard in support of midwifery!!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

St. Patrick's Day has become a secular holiday like so many other Catholic holidays, however for the story of St. Patricius you can go here . I am celebrating this feast day hopefully getting my car fixed. Maybe contacting a lawyer (though I loathe lawsuits). I am mostly writing this blog to assure all of you that I am ok. Still sore, and have a headache, but otherwise I'm good. His insurance adjuster wrote me a check on the spot to fix the van, and they say they will pay for a rental as well. Not sure where I will go from here.

In other news, I will be returning to Tennessee hopefully soon. As soon as the van is fixed I suppose.

Can it Get Any Better *insert sarcasm here*

seriously? Can it? While on my way to my friend Kelly's house, I was in a dead stop in typical Orlando traffic. When suddenly someone rear ended me, going 50 mph. He didn't even try to stop. He pushed me into the car in front of me, and pushed her into the car in front of her. My van is a mess. My back is a mess. My life is a mess. I guess it all gets to be a mess together at least. Oh, and I have pictures. Do I ever have pictures.

The front of the van has damage too, but it is minor. sigh.

Yup, his car is totaled. ugh. now I get to spend several days dealing with insurance adjusters and body repair shops to try to get my van fixed :( Like it can't get any better than this right?!?!?!