Tuesday, November 30, 2010

What Misty Found

Back in March I took a risk. I put what I want out there, in my prayers, spoke it out loud to the universe, and posted it here on my blog. I was in a different place then. A place of disappointment, of heartbreak, of irreconcilable differences. But I put it out there anyway. And then, when I felt I was ready, I put myself out there too. Sheltering my fragile heart, fearing it would be broken again, but knowing that I am called to be a companion to someone, to be a wife. I put myself out there, and here is what I found.

I found that I can still love passionately, and found someone who loves me equally passionately. I found happiness, a real, whole, and complete happiness. I found understanding and an opportunity to understand in return. I found myself loved and not judged. I found an amazing male role model for my boys and the possibilities of a healthy marriage in the future for my daughter to be molded by. I found someone I can respect, and who respects me. I found someone who finds passion in his life. Someone who cherishes me. Someone who happily sits between two of my kids at Mass so that there is an adult separating all three. Someone who goes to Mass with me whenever I want to, even if its not a Sunday or Holy day of Obligation. Someone who will be my pillar of strength when I feel I haven't a shred of my own left. Someone who does make me laugh when I'm crying, and who can cool my hot anger with the slightest touch. Someone who has accepted my children with open arms, and loves the individuals they are. Someone who is open to life. Someone who is stable in his own life. Someone who can stand the life of a midwife (well this is yet to be tested LOL!). Someone with patience to match my own. Someone who thinks he can share me, happily, with the whole village of women, children, and families who I live and breathe to serve on a day to day basis. Someone who respects my dreams and ambitions for my future.

In March I wondered if that someone even existed. I wondered if it might just be too much to ask. But I knew that it was what I wanted, so I put it out there. And it's exactly what I found.
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Sunday, October 3, 2010

Midterm

Well here I am, nearly mid semester at FSTM. I am really enjoying myself (for the most part) in class, despite the fact that a lot of it is review for me. I enjoy the atmosphere I am surrounded by (mostly) while at school, and I have begun to even enjoy my overnights in Gainesville (it almost feels like a slumber party every week!)

I am dealing with other stuff outside of school, but I'd rather not talk about any of that today. I haven't been keeping up with my blog as much as I would like to, and I really hope to be able to change that here in the near future, as I get my new groove on.

My daughter has her First Reconciliation coming up next month, she is very excited and moving right along to have her First Communion next May! My big girl!! I also got her a new bed and desk (it is a loft bed) and a mattress that is just heavenly, I wish I could sleep on it every night!! I will likely buy my boys each the same mattress as well, I am very pleased with that purchase.

More big news....My boys have their own bedroom now!! For the first time since I threw my exhusband out, we are using two bedrooms!! My boys are in one room and my daughter and I are in another room!! This is really a huge, life changing thing for us!! I will be sleeping in a bed again soon, thanks to one of my good friends who is giving me a full bed!! Yay!!

Also in the news for me, I just had a birthday!! It was threatening to turn into a depressing weekend for me, but alas my BFF pulled through for me! He treated me to Ruby Tuesday's for dinner, and then we stayed up late watching movies and snuggling on the couch like we used to in high school!! oooh the memories LOL! My children also had a little party for me, it was very sweet, and my brother gave me an organically grown, whole, dried out loofah squash (he grew them himself) now I can make tons of loofahs for myself, and I have a zillion seeds to plant my own next spring!! yay!!

Also on the "news" front, I made another appointment with Tanya Kell (our homeopath) and she has prescribed my daughter and my youngest son constitutionals, I will be ordering those this week and hoping that they help with some issues (including Tori's sensitive stomach and Bobby's awful allergies!) I love our homeopath so much, she asked about me first and gave me another remedy for myself before even moving on to the kids (which was who the appointment was for!!) If you are in need of a homeopath, I recommend her highly!! She also does phone consults (not just in person) so even though she is in Nashville, you can have appointments with her if you aren't!! www.tanyakell.com

I am going up to TN/AL in a few weeks both to get the rest of my stuff from there and also to go to a little bit of the MANA conference, including (hopefully!) the ROAST of the farm midwives!! FUN!!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Its Official!!!!!!

I am officially enrolled at Florida School of Traditional Midwifery as of TODAY!!!! That's right, you heard it here first folks, Misty has reached a *huge* (and I mean *HUGE*) milestone in her journey to becoming a midwife!! Nearly 4 years ago when I first decided to start this journey, going to a Florida school seemed so out of reach, and now here I am!!

So, you might be thinking to yourself, what classes does Misty get to take this semester? Here's the list of courses!!

Year 1, Term 1

  • Student Success Lab
  • Healthcare Skills I
  • Psychology for Midwives
  • Research Evaluation
  • HIV/AIDS
  • History of Midwifery
  • Anatomy and Physiology I
  • Anatomy and Physiology I Lab
  • Interpersonal Relationships and Communication Skills I
With my already 3 years of midwifery studies behind me, and recent college as well, this semester should be a breeze. My goal is to get straight A's (Like I've ever gotten anything OTHER than straight A's?)

I have my doula/CBE prerequisites classes this weekend in Ocala, and then I start school on the 30th of August! I can't believe it!! I am still sort of in awe of it all.

Monday, August 9, 2010

So Much To Do, So Little Time

Registering children for public school in Florida is so much more complicated than it was in Tennessee. I have to fill out what seems like 30 papers for each child, and each paper seems to want the same information. To make matters worse, I needed a lease agreement and my drivers license changed over. Man what a pain. My goal is to have the children all registered by tomorrow. Here's hoping. I especially am fretting about registering them because Tommy should be skipping a grade this year. We shall see.

Organizing my Life

If you know me, you know that I cannot thrive in chaos. Right now my life is chaos. We are living in a limbo that is not quite Tennessee, not quite Florida, and will remain that way for at least another month. My father did not prepare his house for our arrival, and so the house here is in its own little state of chaos. Preparing to return to school myself is also chaotic, as I wonder how it will actually work out. I am taking it one baby step at a time. Organizing one little thing at a time. Everything will only get better from here.


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Sunday, August 8, 2010

Hope, Love and Prayer

Hope

My hope lives in my childrens eyes. It is given life by the smiles and giggles that surround my day. My hope lives within me, all around me. I find hope in the rain storms, in the waves at the beach, in the text messages from friends at just the right time. My hope lives on when nothing else seems to. It is a constant. A forever. My hope keeps my dreams alive.

Love

I used to think I could never have enough love to give to more than one child. And then I had a second child. It seems that with the more children you have, the more your love grows, and the more of it you have to give. Love multiplies with use, much like smiles are contagious. My life, and my children, and my work are all loves of my life. My love continues to grow as time and life go on.

Prayer

Prayer is such a gift. A direct connection to God. Prayer surrounds my day. Prayer is trusting God, and placing my life in His hands. It's admitting that it's bigger than me. That I don't know what to do, nor how to do it. It's letting Him take the problem or issue or challenge out of my hands and into His own. It's admission. It's submission. It's my secret weapon, tucked gently in my back pocket. There to help when faced with an overwhelming world of darkness, sadness, and hoplessness so thick it threatens to destroy the hope in my world like a black hole.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Nearer the End than the Beginning

All things have a beginning and an end. Several things in my life right now are nearer the end than the beginning. My time in Tennessee/Alabama (at least, this time) is nearer the end than the beginning. My (and the kids!) summer is nearer the end than the beginning. My midwifery training is nearer the end than the beginning (though it might not seem so to some, as I have three more years to go, I still feel nearer the end than the beginning...I have learned so much already). Now that my oldest son has turned that magical age of 9 years old I am now nearer the end than the beginning of his childhood and my role as supervising parent for him. Yes he and I still have 8 years and 11 months where he is still the "child" and I am still supervising him...but I can't believe half of my work with him is almost over :(

This summer I accomplished some things that I wanted to. First, I took my children to meet their great-grandma McGovern and see New Jersey, where their grandpa McGovern is from. While there we spent a lot of time with their aunts, uncles, and cousins that they wouldn't have known otherwise. We also had a special treat....we went to see the statue of Liberty!! Well, we saw her from afar...but it was better than not at all!! My father in law says if we come up to New Jersey again to see family that perhaps we will try to spend the better part of a day and go into the Statue of Liberty. I know that *I* will love that, and I think my kiddos will too!!

We also came to Ohio to spend time with my grandparents and cousins here. This is always a special time for everyone and I am so glad that I was able to do it again this year for and with my children. Next year will probably be a little less likely as I will have school all summer, but we will see.

The move back to Florida is proving to be very stressful for me, and I am trying to spend the least amount of time as possible thinking about it. While we were in New Jersey it was hard for me *not* to think about Tom, and everything that has happened in my life the last 9 years, because his family (though all very apologetic - as if his behavior is somehow their fault...which it isn't) either brought it up frequently, or just reminded me of him by simply being around them. Tom definitely has some physical features in common with the McGovern side of his family.

We're leaving Ohio soon, and I have a feeling my stress level will decrease once I get settled into new routines in Florida. Once the kids are registered for school (and me too for that matter!) and we're settled into our temporary living space (until I find something else).

I am also spending some time looking for a part time job. I am hoping to pick something up that will help me pay bills while I am in school. I have a goal to get rid of the van by July of 2011, and would love to see that actually happen. I am thinking about maybe getting a station wagon style car instead. Something that is better on gas, has a lower car payment, and isn't going to break down on me (hopefully!) every 10000 miles like this P.O.S. van has.

So, that is an update on me and the kids!

Monday, July 5, 2010

Fireflies, butterflies, fireworks, fairy lands, ice cream cones, cook outs, and all things summer

This summer I have been trying to soak it all in with my children. As I don't anticipate having this much time off again for a very long time, reveling in the time that I do have has become my number one priority. Though I had grande plans of learning Spanish and relearning french this summer, I have done neither. Instead my summer has been filled with spending time with my best friend, helping care for my paternal grandparents, then driving to Ohio so that my children could have a fun and relaxing summer playing with all of their cousins and visiting with all of my family.

In a few days the children and I leave to drive to New Jersey, a state I have never been to, to visit my father-in-law as well as his mother and other family. My children have never met their Great-Grandma McGovern, and I think they are really looking forward to it. They will see their cousin Matt this trip too, which they are excited about. They are also excited about seeing their Grandpa McGovern, whom they haven't seen in over a year now.

After our weekend trip to NJ we will come back here to Ohio and spend a few more days with family here. Once we leave here we will head to the Carolina's where we'll stop over night and then head back to Florida. Wow, that's a lot of travel time!!

I know I haven't been blogging as much as I normally do, but I promise once we get into new routines in Florida, the blogs will follow!!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

My Decision is......

I told you all to expect my decision by Tuesday this week, and I am happy to announce that I have come to a decision!!!

And my decision is........................






That............................





We will be...................................





Moving back to Florida!! Yes you read that right, Misty is leaving the land where she's always wanted to be to come back to the land she never wanted to be in again so that she can go to one of the best midwifery schools in the nation. Worth it? I think so!

Look for more posts soon!!!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I'm in!! I'm in!!

Last week a received my acceptance to Florida School of Traditional Midwifery by email! I was so excited that I jumped up and down for joy and giggled like a schoolgirl. It only took a few seconds for me to stop, and think to myself, now what the hell do I do?!?!?!

Moving back to Florida is such a huge decision. Even though I know that it is the right decision for my midwifery career, it is hard for me to figure out what is the right decision for my chldren. Well, within the next week or so you will know what my decision is, I am planning to decide and announce it by this time next week!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The Massacre of the Worms

Have you ever wondered what possesses the worms to all wiggle out onto the sidewalk in the mornings before the sun is hot?

As a child I always had a possibly unhealthy fascination with the wet and wiggly things we call worms. I used to dig up handfuls of hard clay dirt in my grandparent's yard in hopes of catching at least one or two of the cool wiggly creatures. I'd look the earth worms over letting them slink around from one of my hands to the other. I would bemuse about how they eat dirt and poop dirt. I'd gross out other girls with them. I squealed with excitement if my grandfather mentioned going outside in the cool dark night armed with flash lights and emptied and washed mason jars in hopes of catching some nice and fat night crawlers for fishing with at shadow lake.

Walking around the block pushing an adorable 16 month old in a stroller and looking at all the dried and shriveled up earth worms on the side walk makes my heart weep a little. I weep for all the plants who could have benefited from the worms. I weep for the children who will never get to play with those already dead earth worms. It seems silly I know, but when watching news of the Gulf oil spill disaster on TV, or reading about it on the 'net or in newspapers, I am becoming more keenly aware of emotions I used to have as a child. The wonder of the amazing ecosystem. The importance that each thing plays in it, from the simplest amoeba to the most complex of animals. The way that the human race is single-handedly destroying this amazing system. The complete lack of respect many people have for the other living things on this planet. The total disconnectedness of humans as a whole.

It should not be all that surprising to many of you that I was quite a little environmentalist when I was a child. I collected styrofoam egg cartons in my closet as a way to protest their complete lack of biodegradableness in hopes that one day someone would start recycling them. Much to my parents happiness many years later they DID start offering a recycling service that took the evil styrofoam and I happily carted my 100+ egg cartons to the plant for recycling then. I did not eat meat for the sheer disgust at the way the animals were slaughtered. I did not believe in pulling "weeds" and would protest their killing until I turned blue in the face. I did not agree with using pesticides to get rid of unwanted things in our yard.

I spent *many* summers playing in the woods, squatting over moss covered ground, pretending I was in some prehistoric land, coming in only when the mosquitoes chased us in or our parents called us in. I spent more time in dirt covered jeans with holes in the knees than not. I loved the smell of the earth. The faint metallic smell, mixed with the smell of vegetation, mixed with the smell of sweaty little kids and the occasional smell of scat or animal urine. It's a primal smell. Even to this day if I work in the yard or something I am transported back to my childhood from the smells of the earth.

That smell, that primal smell of earth, is present at a birth too. Somehow the smell of blood and amniotic fluid and sweat and sometimes feces mix together and bring back those memories. And the strong desire overcomes me to be a midwife delivering babies in a red tent where we can give back our blood, and amniotic fluid, to the earth. Where our bare feet are still on dirt and ground; the dirt and ground that God made; instead of the wood or carpet floors that man made, another layer, another disconnect away from the earth. Away from where we're meant to be.

And all of these memories and thoughts occurred to me because of the Massacre of the Worms. The sidewalk is such a cruel place for a worm. It comes out when the sun isn't quite up and the ground is still damp with dew. It somehow wiggles itself onto the sidewalk and becomes lost. This does not feel like any dirt it's ever been in! It can't burrow into it, it can't find grass or plants on it, whatever does it do? It struggles to find a place to burrow and in the mean time the sun creeps higher and higher and the sidewalk gets hotter and hotter. I image the worm thinking, probably very quickly, man I am thirsty!! I need some nice wet dirt!! but all it finds is cruel, rough, hot, hard, sidewalk. And then it gives up it's struggle, and it dies. Right there. Right on the sidewalk.

So as I walk, pushing the adorable 16 month old in a stroller, I stop whenever I see a worm still inching it's way across the sidewalk. I pick it up with hints of the childhood fascination within me once again, and gently set it back in the grass. In this one small gesture I have managed to save one worm. That is one less worm to fall victim to the sidewalk. One less that dies because of human invention.

I pass many other worms who were not so fortunate. And I secretly weep for them, For they had a life full of purpose. They are tasked with the important job of helping to fertilize and aerate the soil. To help the plants grow. To be the food for birds and other small animals. But instead, all of these victims of the Massacre of the Worms end up having no more purpose to their life, nor to their death. They will not be eaten by small animals, for dried up worms are not appetizing at all! They will no longer be able to aerate soil or help fertilize the earth. Now they are just toast. And it's all because of human invention.